Self Portrait - Oil Pastel Painting on Brown Paper 15 x 20 cm
©estandrea – Parisdreamtime 2010
Yesterday I realized, that I felt disconnected from my emotions.
Which means that I feel disconnected from my Self.
It’s working on all this administrative stuff which does that, plus the work on a very technical, “calculated” painting. Yesterday I talked about this painting with Kim, who suggested that putting aside the painting and do something else more relaxed and emotional would perhaps make working on that more technical one easier later on…..
We need this kind of advice regularly, because it helps us to pull us out of that tight space we put ourselves into sometimes, and where we don’t want to let go because we want it done, and perfectly done. The enemy of “good” is “better”, a young woman and ski-champion yesterday said on TV, after having bungled her ski-run!
This morning, just when I was going to sit down and work some more on the computer I told myself not to do that. Instead I grabbed my oilpastel box and a block of brown paper. All I longed for was doodle, be abstract and playful.
At first there were just blue and violet marks on the paper, then came a yellow and a red dot, then some ochre, all this slowly metamorphosing into what I right now invent a word for: a “Humanonymous” = human anonymous head:) Then I remembered, that I had to get back into touch with my emotions and therefore decided to make a self-portrait. Within half an hour, this came collapsing out of me. What thrills me is the serene expression on my face and how young I look. Sure that is not me but is me. Now I can go back to this other painting exercise!
How do YOU connect with your emotions?
writing–and I write daily.
This is a great post. Very wise and insightful. Lovely portrait!
Heidi, thanks so much for visiting! Writing is indeed a powerful tool to reconnect with oneself! And doing it daily is important because then it becomes a ritual, and we need rituals!
Oh Andrea,
I love, love, love this pastel painting and I think it does look like you! It looks like you physically and it looks like your spirit! I am so glad you did this as I can imagine it will help all of the linear things you need to do go forward with greater ease.
Thank you so much for the sweet shout out here, too. You inspire me so often and it is an honor to know I have also inspired you.
Keep painting, it is absolutely your calling and an important ritual for you..
Kim, I think I will go back to this technique for this kind of “escape”! Thanks so much for your comment and help on leaving such “blocks” behind!
What a great idea just for a change of pace and for getting unstuck. I am finding my self stuck in the process of creating a big commissioned piece I am working on…so many ideas from the buyer and trying to fit them all in and/or choose what works and what doesn’t interfers with my natural working flow.
So I find myself leaving it to work on other things that are more free flowing for me…not sure how all this connects to my emotions although I am certainly in touch with feeling frustrated a lot while working on the big piece and more free and happy when working on other pieces.
Lynn, I can understand this frustration: while we are honored to make a piece of art for someone, it is also a great challenge, a different one, where we have to put aside something of ourself and replace it by something of the other person:) I’m sure your piece will turn out wonderfully!
you look quite thoughtful here. Pensive. You and not you. You have been doing so much out in the world work, this portrait takes you inward.
I keep touch with my emotions through writing, through self-talk, through yoga, through artworks. When I was in therapy the big question from the therapist was: how do you feel about that. Not such an easy question to answer sometimes. But our emotions, I think, always come out in our art in one way or another.
Suki, your thoughtful comment reminds me about a quote about stress I read yesterday, the author (can’t remember who it was) said that there is so little time for everything that we get stressed by thinking we have no time, but as soon as we turn inwards, we have and make all the time we need! And you are so right, our emotions always come out in our art, even if we do a piece of well planned and calculated art, but in there our emotions might well be hidden, even for ourselves?
I adore pastels on brown paper. Super portrait. This makes me want to find some brown paper and go at it!
Willow, I’ll be eager to see what you made with this brown paper!
Now that is a BIG question, and we do need to address that. I will now get my oil pastels out. Who knows where all this will lead.
Hugs,
Erin
u have an amazing style!
its so dark yet so full of life at the same time
lifeasasketch.wordpress.com
Hi and welcome, and thanks for visiting!
You created something very beautiful on your path to reconnecting with your emotions!
I like to go out and search with the help of my camera, on long walks looking for beauty (contrary to what I am often reduced to: stealing a picture here and there while running from point A to point B).
Hi Merisi, your pictures of Vienna are wonderful, when I looked at the latest picture you posted on you blog, I thought it was a painting! So, if this was a “quick” picture, it was nevertheless a great success!
Thank you for visiting my blog and your kind comment!
I have come back here several times to comment and something has come up. I am going to try again altho I have forgotten what I was going to say. I heard once someone who would go to work on a painting but they would always start working on something simple like this to warm up and THEN they could get to work. that was their routine to begin work. Once they did this it would free the mind of being afraid to start… So this is a good ice breaker for sure. Fun piece.
Hi Cris, thanks for having persisted:) and I agree with you, it’s always good in painting to warm up. And to “cool down” too, in a way this was what this selfportrait was:) , so just let ourselves warm up and cool down with free painting!
So good you found a way to loosen up. Es ist denke ich nicht gut immer nur ernsthaft zu arbeiten, ein bisschen spass zwischendurch ist gut. Ich liebe reisen zum abschalten aber finde es dan wieder schwierig hereinzufinden.
XXXm
Martine, Du hast so recht, Reisen ist abschalten, wenn man zu Hause bleibt, muss man/frau sich mehr zum Abschalten zwingen!
Hi Andrea. I love this post. It’s so true, we need to take time away from our “serious art-making-endeavors” and give ourselves a chance to be expressive. I was just talking to another artist about this the other day! We were saying how important it is to get in some “play” time. It’s so easy to get distracted by everything else we are trying to achieve, rather than doing the things that made us love art in the beginning! What she suggested was a painting party. Get together a group of friends, artists and not, have some wine and just play around with some paint!
Miranda, thank you for your interesting words here and I love the suggestion of getting together and paint! I absolutely will keep this in mind for the times to come, as I just found other artists here in the neighborhood and perhaps we will soon have a place where we could meet and just do that! You are so right, we have always to work on so many things at the same time, then we get frantic and forget our passion! Thanks for your precious insights and have a great weekend.